I'm a Ruin
by Every Roses' Thorn
Summary: From the moment you met her, you were in love with Rose Quartz.


A/N: I'm really sorry that I can't write Rose as anything but a terrible person. Also, this is my first time writing in second person, so let me know how that reads. Spoilers for Rose's Scabbard and Jail Break, but I'm not sure why you're reading this if you haven't watched those episodes.

From the moment you met her, you were in love with Rose Quartz. Everything about her seemed perfect, her gentle nature, the way she always payed more attention to you than the other gems and just made you feel _special_ in a way you hadn't before. She always promised that you were the only one for her, and you believed her. You followed her through thick and thin, through every battle, after every loss you were there for her. You were her sole confidant. She trusted you, and for the first time in _your_ life you felt like more than what you were. Of course, nobody else knew about this. Rose said it would weaken the army's morale, and because she was always right, you trusted her.

Some twisted part of you held onto those secrets, fearing that one day, she would abandon you, and they would be all you had left. Names have power, and if you say something too much, it looses its meaning. So when Garnet asks you, quite nonchalantly about the nature of your relationship with Rose, you are quick to deny. Even Garnet, who you know Rose trusts, cannot know the truth. Or maybe that's just what you tell yourself. You say that it's just a defensive mechanism, that if the rest of the army knew they would defect. But why is it that, after all the dust is settled, and it is only you, Ruby, Sapphire, Amethyst, and Rose left, that your lips are still glued shut?

She always finds a way to convince you not to tell. The first time she says, _we just need to wait until the dust has settled._ The second time she says that they should just wait. You believe her wholeheartedly. _Rose has never been wrong before._ You have to keep reminding yourself that. After all, even if she desn't have an army any more, she still has the rest of the group to think of. Rose just has everyone's best interests at heart. You repeat that until it almost feels like the truth. The day you first see the temple, she guides you to her room, before anyone else has even seen the building. _That's how much she loves you._ It echoes in your mind until you are shaken out of your trance by something Amethyst said.

You never really grow out of it. The feeling that Rose loving you is the best thing that ever happened to you. The feeling that these _secrets_ that you've been keeping for centuries are the only thing that make you whole. You _need_ her, and she could forget about you in an instant. Whenever you try to talk to her about your relationship, she cuts you off with a kiss, and then you're too distracted to bring it up again. But beyond this, life continues, on Earth like on any planet. Somewhere along the line, Ruby and Sapphire decided to stay fused, and it makes you sad. It had nothing to do with either of them, but you wish that you and Rose could be like them. They seem effortless, and they have nothing to conceal.

Maybe a hundred years after the town of Beach City was built near the temple, you started fighting with her. It was small things at first. You would bring up arguments from well over a thousand years ago and demand an explanation. It was childish, and you were well aware of it, but a part of you took pleasure in seeing Rose upset. But one night, you snapped. All the little frustrations that had built up over thousands of years seemed to all fall out of your mouth at once, and once you started, you couldn't stop. It all culminated in Rose becoming so frustrated that she decided she would go visit the town.

After that, it just got worse. She started _seeing someone_, a human from Beach City. Secretly, you wondered if you were so inadequate that she would rather be open about her relationship with a human rather then you. Garnet and Amethyst noticed the change from your typically pleasant demeanor, and tried to get out of you what was happening, but you couldn't tell them _now_. Not after all these years of denying and denying to them that there was anything between her and Rose. It would just hurt them, and if there was anything you learned from her, it was that the common good is far more important than the personal good.

As Rose's relationship with Greg progressed, you felt even more depressed. Were you such a shame and embarrassment that she had to keep her relationship with you a secret for centuries. In retrospect, you shouldn't have let it go on for so long. But at the time, her reasoning seemed impeccable, and maybe you were just caught up in the moment. You promise you won't let it happen again, and unlike all those lies you told yourself so many times, this time you mean it.

When her son is born, you are not sure how to feel. Rose is gone, and as much as you disliked her, it is still a heavy loss. But this child can never know the truth about his mother. The difficult truth, not the truth that she loved this planet with all of her heart. That was the Rose that Garnet and Amethyst knew, and you wanted it to stay that way. He wouldn't know any of the hard truths of his mother, only that she was a good person.

A/N: So this ended up a lot more cynical then I originally intended, and I think Pearl was a bit ooc, but I'd love to hear what you guys have to say about it.


End file.
